Implicit Truths

Indeed, the following email notifying me of the large sum of money that I will soon have tells me that it will be in the mystifying currency Dollar US Dollar, supposedly pegged at the rate of oil from Abuja and suggested as a viable alternative to the Euro by the aptly named Goodluck Jonathan. In keeping with the wishes of the Late Engineer and in the interest of full disclosure, I have decided to reproduce the email here. Reinhard and I were great friends in our youth, and we often used to sit down by the schoolyard playing with what we thought was confetti, while Marc, JS and Julio were assigned chores to do by those older than us. It was a good time, and I’m certain that given a chance Reinhard would rather be there than where he is now. A great friend, humanitarian and a brother to all men. I salute him.

MANAGING PARTNER
P.FRANK & SOLICITORS
415 ROYAL LIVER BUILDING,
PIER HEAD, LIVERPOOL L3 1LL, ENGLAND.

Re: NOTIFICATION OF REQUEST

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr.Reinhard Hermann, I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter to you returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on the WILL.

I wish to notify you that Late Engr. Reinhard Hermann made you a Beneficiary to his WILL. He left the sum of Seventeen Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars ($17,500.000.00 USD) to you in the codicil and last testament to his WILL. This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely traveled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were recommended to him by one of his numerous Friends abroad who wished you good.

Engr Reinhard Hermann until his death was a member of the Helicopter Society and the Institute of Electrical & Electronic Engineers. He had a very good heart and was a philanthropist. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. I.e.UNO, WHO, & UNESCO.

Late Engr. Reinhard Hermann died on the 13th day of December, 2007. At the age of 80 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution. According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy in your society.

Please if I reach you this time as I am hoping, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible to enable me conclude my job. I hope to hear from you in no distant time through the email address below.

Email:

Sincerely yours,

BARR.PETER FRANK (ESQ).
P.FRANK & SOLICITORS
MANAGING PARTNERS/SOLICITORS
Office Line: +44 702 405 7247 (Office hours only)

I attempted to contact Mr. Frank Peter.Barr in an effort to find out why he had a period in his name but apparently they close early on Sundays - obviously because their office is in Liverpool, a different time zone than the one in which their computers are. Poor Mr. Barr had to travel 2 hours eastward before he could send an email. I intend to send a representative to meet him in person at their office (coincidentally a place which also stores the Queen’s liver) and assess the costs of providing him with internet connectivity and a workstation. I must, of course, show gratitude for the promptness with which he has acted upon the will of good old Reinhard.