Implicit Truths

Sometimes you need some money to tide over the period till when you get your salary because something big comes up when you haven’t expected it and as a result you don’t have any money on hand at the time. Short time loans that expire quickly can be a good option in times like this and so you get Payday Loans that help you get over that short period.

Often, when you work in India, your salary is delayed for some reason or the other, mostly due to red-tape. This is particularly a problem when you work with the government, because when you do that they sometimes delay your payment for more than a week.

I wasn’t aware till a few days ago that INTL ran lotteries. As it turns out, they do. The kind Mr. Meсdez provided me with this information. I must believe him because his first name is the same as my cousin’s. Except my cousin doesn’t go around pretending to be Mecdezes and telling people they’ve won a lottery. While at first I wondered if this letter was from Nevada as claimed, reading through it I discovered that it was actually from Navade (which, I presume is the female form of that Iranian programme). I am also really grateful to that Fierro group for having bought a lottery ticket in my name, how nice is that! Anyway, I’m off to collect my euros, though they print their currency with an odd separator, the colon. Possibly because after that, coming from behind, is the rectum.

LOTTERY NEVADA INTERNATIONAL LOTTO S.A
FROM:GOVERNMENT ACCREDITED LICENSED LOTTERY PROMOTERS.
CALLE ANTONIO 4B 12001,MADRID-SPAIN.
Tel/Fax:+34 634 086 544
E-mail:nevadapromoters@madrid.com

FROM THE DESK OF THE MANAGING DIRECTOR INTERNATIONAL PROMOTION/PRIZE AWARD DEPT.

REF/EG/JK67542/06
BATCH/6546235/GAFK

RE:BONUS LOTTERY PROMOTION PRIZE AWARDS WINNING NOTIFICATION

Dear Lucky Winner,

We are pleased to inform you of the result of the just concluded final draws of LOTTERY NAVADE INTERNATIONAL LOTTERY AWARD held on the 20th June, 2008. The online cyber lotto draws was conducted from an exclusive list of 25,000 e-mail addresses of individual and corporate bodies picked by an advanced automated random computer search from the internet in appreciation of our annual summer visitors to Spain. No tickets were sold.

Your name attached to the ticket number 02215-06-1984-993-811 with serial number 2093-12119 drew the lucky numbers 0812-18-493-424-7110 which consequently won the lottery in the 2nd category.

After this automated computer ballot, your e-mail address emerged as one of two winners in the category “B” with the following:You as well as the other winner are therefore to receive a cash prize of 800,809:00 (Eight Hundred Thousand, Eight Hundred And Nine Euros Only) each from the total payout prize.Your prize awards has been insured with your e-mail address pending when your full names and address will be known to us, and thereafter,your winning fund will be transferred to you upon meeting our requirements, verifications and satisfactory report.

To begin your claim, please contact below your claim agent the foreign service manager of FORTUNA TRUST SEGURIDAD S.A
TEL: +34 646 214 835
FAX: +34 646 215 749
Email: fortunatrust@spainmail.com

CONTACT PERSON: Sr. Anthony Jones

And also be informed that 10% of your lottery winning belongs to (FIERRO GROUP PROMOTION COMPANY S,A) Because they are the company that bought your ticket and played the lottery on your name, NOTE this 10% will be remitted after you have received your winnings prize because the money is insured in your name already. This lottery was promoted and sponsored by Bill Gates, President of Microsoft, the world’s largest software company in order to enhance and promote the use of Internet Explorer Users and Microsoft-wares around the globe. This promotional program takes place every three years. We hope with part of your winning you will take part in our end of year 50 million Euro International lottery

NOTE: All winnings must be claimed not later than the 31st August, 2008. After this date, all unclaimed funds will be included in the next stake. Remember to quote your reference information in all correspondences. You are to keep all lottery informations away from the general public especially your reference and ticket numbers. This is important as a case of double claims will not be entertained.

Congratulations on be half of our managements.
Jose Meсdez.
INTL.LOTTO COMMISSION

N.B: Any breach of confidentiality on the part of any of our winners will result to disqualification.

CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This message (including any attachments) is intended only for the use of the individual or entity to which it is addressed and may contain information that is non-public, proprietary, privileged, confidential, and exempt from disclosure under applicable law or may constitute as attorney work product. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any use, dissemination, distribution, or copying of this communication is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please contact the sender and delete this message immediately.

Also off-limits are questions about where foreigners live, where they have worked, their religious or political beliefs, or what they are currently doing.

Strange rules for a Chinese person in China during the Beijing Olympics, where the government has decided to encourage a new kind of manners. Interestingly, and unsurprisingly they also want Chinese people to not talk about their country or government in any way that will harm its national prestige or the country’s image. Of course there’s the usual bit about national security. How the bloody hell can a normal citizen harm national security by saying, “I’m not allowed to make fun of Chairman Mao.”?

Anyway, the part I like best is the bit where it says that queuing is encouraged. Good to hear you can be an economic powerhouse without any queuing, we Indians have hope still. It’s still damn annoying though that people don’t queue. I say this as a person who’s got people to hold a place in line for me, and who has otherwise jumped queues by telling friends to pay my fees and stuff like that. Yeah, I’m a hypocrite.

Which brings me to the topic of ‘hippocrete’, an animal commonly referred to on Digg. It seems to be some kind of large Grecian amphibian.

George allowed me to reproduce this post of his here.

I was just browsing the BBC Feed and came upon this article about a controversial RyanAir ad. It’s pretty obvious what they’re trying to pull here, but frankly, it’s not all that offensive or anything. I’ve always wondered about people who get offended by stuff like this - what are they thinking? Perhaps, Oh my god, teenage girls will think they’ll get low fares if they dress like that! or maybe They’re insulting the dignity of the young women of the country. They are against British culture.. I can just imagine what would happen if those ads were displayed here. Actually, I don’t have to, I just know there’ll be more car accidents.

We have a strange dichotomy, there’ll be women in wet saris running around trees and wrapping themselves provocatively around the male leads of the movies but the slightest word about anything and cultures will suddenly become offended, women will become insulted and the world will go wrong. What a pathetic bunch of desperate people, here’s a point for you sociologists - this is what happens to people who can’t get any and really really want some. Face it, sex sells, and you like it that way. It’s like those little kids who do something and then act all sanctimonious about the whole thing in the hope that they’ll be the last person suspected.

Of course no one’s falling for RyanAir’s hilarious story explaining just why they aren’t going to be withdrawing the ad. If anyone goes out into the London streets dressed like that they’ll get frostbite, and pneumonia, and just die of exposure.

Here’s the offending ad.

Apparently they’ve locked my non-existent Bank Of America account. what should I do?!

Account Locked !

Dear BankofAmerica Member,

Due to the number of incorrect login attempts, your BankofAmerica Account has been locked for your security. This has been done to secure your accounts and to protect your private information in case the login attempts were not done by you..
At BankofAmerica we care about your security so, for your protection we are proactively notifying you of this activity.

If you did not trigger this lockout, follow this link to Log on to your BankofAmerica Online Account :
Click here to unlock your account !

Thank you for your prompt attention to this matter.

We apologize for any inconvenience.

Thank you for using BankofAmerica!

——————————————————————————–

Please do not reply to this e-mail. Mail sent to this address cannot be answered.

Because I don’t take kindly to unasked for mail. How’d they know I wanted sunglasses anyway?

Dear Valued Customer,

Please find enclosed below list of our available stock of designer
eyewear for your consideration.

OAKLEY SUNGLASSES 65,00 EURO P/P
RAYBAN SUNGLASSES 60,00 EURO P/P
RAYBAN COLORI SUNGLASSES 47,00 EURO P/P
GUCCI SUNGLASSES 45,00 EURO P/P

MIXED BRAND OF:
PRADA
RAYBAN
CHANEL
VERSACE

65,00 EURO P/P

TRADE TERMS
MINIMUM QUANTITY: 100 units
DELIVERY: IMMEDIATE

THE MANAGEMENT

For Kinzrading
Piazza Monteverdi
16100 Genova ITALY

==============================
Tel: +39 010 868 79 66
Fax: +39 010 868 79 66
Mobile: + 39 349 0087913
Vat No: 03812470106
E-mail 1 admin@kinztrading.com
==================================

For some reason I find this song completely irresistible after having seen it in that Sony commercial, I have the ringtone you can get from Sony and I’ve gone to great lengths to find this song. I wish Celestial were available on Amie Street, I wouldn’t hesitate before buying them. I’m not usually a fan of this electronic genre, but this song just has me hooked to it completely. I don’t know what it is, but I’m stuck to listening to this over and over again.

Here’s a link to the song: Electric Road - Celestial. I’ll take it down if there’s a problem. Please buy the album if you can.

PLS, CONTACT YOUR AGENT

INTERNATIONAL AWARD
PROMOTION DEPT.
(GB/US-5104Z6231-9G)

WCI - GAMING BOARD/ WEBCHOICE

REF NO: GWL/ 9006209/HL
BATCH NO: GGG3/444/399/PTNL

RE: WINNING FINAL NOTIFICATION

Sir/Madam,
We are pleased to inform you of the result of the Lottery Winners
International programs held on the 16th May 08. Your e-mail
address attached to ticket number 678-113233-153 with serial
number 321-773-8477-889 drew lucky numbers
1-11-01-1-11-1 which consequently won in
the 3rd category, you have
therefore been approved for a sum pay out
of $2,000 000 USD.
(Two Million Dollars). CONGRATULATIONS!!! This is
from the total sum of
10,000 000 United State Dollars category for
three winners.
You are advised to keep your winning information very confidential
till your claims
has been processed and your prize/money Remitted to you.
Due to mix up of some numbers and names . And this
is part of our security protocol to avoid double claiming
and unwarranted abuse of this program by some participants. All
participants were selected through a computer ballot system drawn
from over 1,000,000 company and 300,000,000 individual
email addresses and names from all over the world. This
promotional program takes place annually. We hope with part of
your winning you will take
part in our next year USD100,000 000 million
international lottery. To file for your claim, please contact
our/your fiducial agent

WEBCHOICE AGENCY
FINANCE & CLAIMS MANAGEMENT SERVICES

Email: webchoice@consultant.com

TEL: 0031-641 445454
MR. EVANCE JANSSEN
(CHIEF FIDUCIARY)

Note that all unclaimed funds will be
included in the next stake. Please note in order to avoid
unnecessary delays and complications please remember to quote
your reference number and batch numbers in all
correspondence.
Further, should there be any change of address
do inform our agent as soon as
possible. Congratulations once
more from our members of staff and
thank you for being part of
our promotional program. Note: Anybody
under the age of 21 is automatically disqualified.

Kind regards
Mrs. Margo Visser
Lottery Coordinator.

Political correctness, everyone wants to be politically correct these days. But even worse are those people who make blatantly racist or otherwise inflammatory statements and then say, “I hate people who are politically correct.” Oh please, you’re an asshole, face it. Stop trying to make it look like you’re rebelling from the crowd of people who just want to get along, and please please stop making a simple issue into one whole They’re Invading!!! problem. You people are so tiresome, and embarrassing to yourselves and to your country. Sad people.

Fortunately, it appears most other Australians have better things to do than being worried that they’re perceived as politically correct.

And you bloody well know that, because a DEAL simply cannot be undealt. What would you do for 6 million dollars? Or rather, what wouldn’t you do? I’m pretty sure becoming legally related to some ‘funds’ wouldn’t be too much of an issue. But then, what are your responsibilities? When the money is spent, are you a negligent guardian? When it is changed, are you trafficking? So many questions, so little time, so much secrecy. Mr. Kane, I cannot make a decision, I really can’t. But can I have a little bit? Just a few hundred thousands?

Dear Friend,

Firstly i apologise for intruding into your privacy, do kindly permit me to
introduce myself. I am Jason Kane, a banker by profession with Rand Merchant
Bank (RMB) South Africa. I have taken time out to source the right
individual, which is your humble self. I possess valuable and classified
information of great interest which i wish to share with you.

I also need to ascertain your dispositions towards receiving and utilising
information from me that guarantees you being legally acknowledged as the
sole surviving relative an investor (name with-held) died without naming a
next of kin to his fund in my bank (next of kin).

The proceeds of this account valued at $15.500.000.00 million dollars can
be paid to you and then you and i can share the money, 50% to me amounting
to US$7,750,000.00 dollars and 40% for you amounting to US$6,200.000.00 and
10% amounting to US$1,550,000.00 for miscellaneous expenses that might
arise. I would want you to understand that this is a DEAL.

I have all the legal and Banking details of the deceased client that will
facilitate our putting you forward as the claimant/beneficiary of the funds
and ultimately transfer of the $15.5M.Consequently, my proposal is that i
will like you as a Foreigner to stand in as the next of kin of the funds
deposited in my bank. I am writing you because i as a public servant, i
cannot operate a foreign account.

Contact me with your full legal names and contact telephone number for
further verbal correspondence.

You must maintain a great deal of confidentiality towards this endeavour.

Awaiting your urgent reply via email.

Thanks and my regards.
Mr. Jason Kane

NOTE: If however, you are not disposed to assist, kindly delete/destroy
this email in view of the confidentiality of the proposed transaction and
interest of personalities involved.

Poor uncle Pennybags died while he was travelling somewhere around Europe, apparently, and the worst part of the whole thing is that he left all his money in some bank in the Netherlands whose representatives are busy trying to drop it off on someone. I feel sorry for Uncle Pennybags, considering he led a simple life, interrupted rarely by the rolling of dice.

Now, a lowly database maintainer by the name of Ewald de Bever Mr wishes to get rid of a lifetime’s effort. This I cannot allow. This beaver man who places his title at the end of his name is far too eager to lose the money to be trustworthy, and his desire for secrecy is suspicious. However, I have one rule about email sent to my mail server and that is that I automatically have a right to put it where I want. That’s the rule, Monsieur Mr, and that’s why I’m doing this. It’s nothing personal, you know, it’s just that a man ‘who share your last name’ is not to be liked. Please consider changing it.

Hello,

You have not responded to my letter sent two weeks ago by regular mail in which I expressed my grave concerns about an investment of a customer who share your last name.

As you already know, I am the Information Analyst at the SNS Bank of Netherlands and presently in London, the United Kingdom on official assignments. I am contacting you via email because you have not responded to my previous letter and I do hope you will give this matter a priority attention it truly deserved.

I would respectfully request that you treat the contents of this mail as privileged and proprietary and respect the integrity of the information you come by as a result of this correspondence because am contacting you independently of our investigation and no one is informed of this communication. Hence, I would like to intimate you with certain facts that I believe would be of interest to you and mutually beneficial if pursued to its conclusion with the necessary speed and determination.

The bank is at the verge to closing an investment account of high value belonging apparently to your family member who reportedly died interstates five years ago leaving behind an estate/capital with interest of a substantial amount of money in a now bonded account at the SNS Bank of Netherlands and till date nobody has come forward or put application for the claim. In line with our internal processes for account holders who have passed away, we officially instituted our own investigations in good faith to determine who should have right to claim the estate. This investigation has for the past months been unfruitful. Hence, my official capacity dictates that I am the only party to supervise the investigation and just recently, it occurred to me that you and I could work on this matter and share the proceeds equally being that you both share the same last name which put you in the right position to be the only suitable apparent heir of the estate though you may not be biologically related to him.

However, to maintain some level of security/confidentiality, I have intentionally left out some privileged information and urge you to contact me today and let’s discuss the modalities/logistics of realizing this goal.

In compliance with the standard requirements and to double-check with my record and ensure that you are indeed the addressee of this mail, I need you to reconfirming your details which include but not limited to your contact information, your full names (no initial please) and your age range, (Date of Birth) as prove of maturity to handle a project of this magnitude. I will provide you with all the privileged information/legal documents relating to the deceased customer and his bonded investment account when I receive your information and double-checked same satisfactorily. I will also guide you through the entire process of the transaction and ensure that the deal is consummated without the breach of the laws.

I am aware of the consequences of this proposal and humbly request that you discard this mail if you find no interest in this project. I ask that you should not be vindictive if you are not interested in taking this further. Please notify me and delete this message and forget I ever contacted you. Do not ruin my career by contacting the management of my bank simply because you are not interested in my proposal. You may not know this but people like me who have made tidy sums out of comparable situations run the whole private banking sector in the banking industry. I am not a criminal and neither will you be one by working with me on this deal. This may be hard for you to understand, but the dynamics of my industry dictates that I make this move. Opportunities like this seldom come and therefore I am committed to realizing this goal in spite of all odds. I need your courage and commitment to actualize this transaction and together we can make it happen.

I do expect your prompt response. Or feel free to call me anytime on this number: +44 - 70 430 20619 while I am still here in London and let’s examine the possibility of a lasting business relationship.

Thank you for your time and attention.

Sincerely,
Ewald de Bever (Mr),
Oracle Database Analyst,
SNS Bank of Netherlands.

You just might get it. As is evidenced by this email I received from some random career website, you are definitely worth hiring, particularly if you never asked in the first place. Sadly, if you’re not an American or a green card holder then this response to your non-request isn’t of any use. Such is life.

Dear Candidate,

We have one job available for you in response to your request. We are a company based in Europe. We have analyzed your resume and have found one job available for you with GUARANTEED $5,500 every month INCOME.

Our company seeking dependable, enthusiastic representatives. If you have a desire to work at home, WITHOUT ANY SELLING INVOLVED, this is the job for you! No matter what you do for a living, whether you are a teacher, a doctor, a lawyer, a secretary, nurse, housewife or construction worker. Without any previous internet experience our company will provide a less complicated way, a smoother road to move ahead financially. We don’t ask experience, just one hour is needed in one week. We are a company based in United Kingdom. First, you have to understand what our company is looking for and if you think that this kind of job is made for you to ask for our Representative Contract to be signed. If you have one free hour daily (not including weekends) you are welcome to join today. Our job is a flextime, flex-place opportunity designed to fit around your family’s income and time needs. You can earn FROM $50,000 up to $200,000 a year (depends on our sales) and more after one year working with us. We receive orders from US and we need a representative to process the payments due to the delays in clearing checks here.

- Flexible program

- Work at home: checking e-mail and going to the bank

- Professional contact team with very good support and communication skills

- Commission: 10% of every check that clears, instantly cash in hand that you will deduct from the cashed amount. If you receive a check of $1,000.00 your net income is $100.00, our company supports any fees.

More benefits:

No Selling

This is NOT Network Marketing

This is NOT a Distributorship

There is NO ‘Kit’ to Buy

There are NO Envelopes to Stuff

We DO NOT Charge You a Dime

We Pay Monthly a $1000.00 Salary + Commission

We have stocks of medical products for US customers and we need US representative to intermediate the payments between our company and the end buyers. Your commission is 10% from each check, if you receive 2-3 checks one day you will make more than $200 every day.

What we ask:

- One free hour daily not including weekends

- US citizen or permanent residence/green card

- You may have an existing bank account in US

- Internet access for sending and receiving e-mails

- Means for you to cash checks at your bank using your existing bank account. (nobody will ask for your personal bank information)

If you are interested working with our company reply today. You can start within 2-3 days if you agree with our contract. Please contact us by replying at this e-mail address and ask for:

Representative Contract and detailed information about this job.
=========================================================================

This email was sent from Account ID C5B4TC752BWLDYYU768 and by this logged in User Y7T35R6ZZ2SD1ZBXRDC

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Apparently, in Japan, where they punish you for having weed, they have funny ways of testing security. Apparently customs will drop 142g of pot in your luggage and then grab you for having it. Or, as happened in this case, they won’t. And then they’ll forget. And then you’ll get caught at your destination airport wondering what happened. And if you landed China, god be with you, because they may not tell you why you’re being arrested. And then you’ll wonder why you never read Kafka to prepare you for just what’s going to happen.

I hope he sues them and gets to keep the marijuana, that’ll teach them a lesson. A real lesson.

I’m back from my vacation, and man, I wish I wasn’t. This place is as hot as hell, temperatures are in the low 40s. Summers have been getting hotter and hotter lately. Atleast there’s the consolation that global warming won’t affect the tropics as much as it will the poles. It’s so much easier to get stuff done when things are slightly cooler than normal than when they are hotter, it costs loads to keep an air-conditioner running, but a blanket has no running costs. I’ll choose the blanket any day, I like that rough feeling they have.

I’m going on vacation now, off to the hills, to escape the heat. Suffer, all you mortals doomed to an earthly existence in Madras, Ha ha, suffer while I’m in peace. Of course, it sort of reduces the pleasure when I’m running a low fever and my nose is blocked and I have sinusitis and stuff like that, but atleast I’ll be happier than you. There’s nothing like the pleasure derived from the lack of joy afforded another person, it is positively delightful.

That’s it, I can’t take any more. I feel like one of those over-emotional nutcases trying to sympathise with people who’ve just lost a mother or brother (no, fathers and sisters aren’t important you insensitive prick, what a question to ask!) in the Chinese earthquake. Really, I can’t. It’s too far away, it’s too big. It’s too bad to face. But what I can do is lament about my situation, a luxury of every man’s dreams so to speak. I have too much, and you know how that goes with good things - not well, in case you didn’t guess.

What have I done? What am I trapped in? They don’t all know, thank god. It can only go badly if they did. Lord, grant me peace.

The Greeks are trying to get back the Parthenon marbles which the British took from the site ages ago, and placed carefully in a museum in their own country. They also refuse to return the parts of the frieze that they have, claiming that three times more people can see them where they are - as part of a collection of world history. This is just plain ridiculous. If the home country is asking for it back, then you must return it, particularly for something as significant as the Parthenon. It also raises the question, “What were British archaeologists doing plucking apart pieces of an obviously significant building?”. When they go to other countries these days and excavate old ruins are they still at it with this funny business of dismantling culturally significant sites to place in museums across the world? Incredibly short-sighted people.

Too many people have them. Why? I don’t know, it’s not like they’re fooling anyone. Most often what happens is that a group of people form, with each constituent choosing to ignore the others’ lack of sincerity about their moral problems and then the whole group will claim to be morally above everyone else. It’s quite sad because normal people just want to get on with their lives, and seeing these fellows (because it usually a group of men) making a fuss about the most trivial of things is this nagging annoyance - like that one mosquito that managed to get past the net.

Stop your crap, guys, no one even believes you’re serious about your ‘preservation of culture’ bullshit.

I love advertisements with Rube Goldberg machines in them. They’re damn cool. Everyone remembers the Honda Cog commercial, but how about this new advertisement for a rack. I love it, especially because there’s a whole point to the Rube Goldberg machine, gives you a reason to buy their product and stuff. Pretty cool.

According to Wikipedia,
A Rube Goldberg machine is an incredibly overengineered apparatus that performs a very simple task in very indirect and convoluted fashion (thus absurdly violating the principle of parsimony).

Even the best of manuscripts sometimes get rejected by publishers, and after a while it doesn’t seem worth it to keep sending them in. Fortunately, if you have the money to back your book, you can get it self-published and then you won’t have to worry about negotiating royalties or advances or any of that because it’s your book and you own it all. With the Internet, you can do all of this without having to leave the comfort of your home or waste the time you could have spent writing. Online Book Publishing at WordClay.com makes everything trivially easy for you.